Updated: Nov 8, 2021
We are expected to love our mother, yet there can be elements to the relationship that do not work, and whilst you try hard to meet her expectations you never do. You don’t feel loved, nor are you able to fully express your love. In fact you feel you are not good enough!
Mother’s are supposed to give unconditional love. Yet for you love is about being continually berated, complained at or shown anger?
Unfortunately when faced with unkind behaviour, the little child who resides in your heart feels unsafe and unloved. And although every relationship is different, the lack of your mother’s loving touch and words of love and reassurance will prevent your inner child from being happy contented, and safe.
If you don’t feel love towards your mother, but instead feel disconnected or even angry, it is hardly surprising that you feel guilty, as if there was something wrong with you, that you are unable to make her happy.
Therefore to move beyond the relationship and how you feel in general, acknowledge it is not your fault, your mother is supposed to make you feel safe and loved.
Change your own expectations to change your relationship
It’s time to get off the merry go round and start to take your power back by exploring your relationship with yourself.
These 3 actions will help you begin to release your past to step into your future.
You have to be prepared to take control of your life.
The first step is to refuse to listen to or read her words. Be willing to tell her you are not prepared to accept how she behaves anymore. If she starts her usual behaviour make a conscious choice to say no and walk away or stop reading if you get text messages.
Whilst this may cause her to get angry or upset and try even harder to contact you. Remember you are in charge of what you hear and feel, you don’t need to stay connected.
I appreciate this may bring up even more feelings of guilt and anxiety, but accept that will happen. Sit with the feelings, your mother has to go through her life journey and you have to learn to put boundaries in place. Saying no is a boundary you require to keep your inner child safe.
Forgiveness is exceeding powerful as it allows you to let go of the negative emotions you are holding on to energetically in your body. In forgiving, it frees of you the burden of guilt and shame. The change you will feel in yourself will have an effect on your relationship with you, your mother and others in your life.
The only person who suffers if you refuse to forgive yourself for not being perfect or for the hurt and harm she has caused you, will continue to hold you back from experiencing life fully.
Work on empowering you. Learn how to love you. A great way of empowering yourself is to stand in front of a mirror and look yourself in the eyes and say “I love you, you are amazing!”
You may find your ego – your conscious mind responds with derision, but that is because doesn’t want you to move beyond your comfort zone, the place where it feels safe.
Keep practicing as many times as possible a day, and you will find you will begin to love and value yourself, making your inner child feel loved and safe.
If you feel the need to move beyond where you are at the moment, to be give and receive love unconditionally take action now! You deserve so much more than you have now.