The habits your create in your inter-personal relationships
Updated: Nov 8, 2021
Summary of the Vlog
How often have you emotionally reacted when you have requested your partner, child or work colleague do something, but they don’t do it, in your expected time frame or at all.
Consequently you begin to create a habit, one that is based upon the negative emotions you experience, such as frustration, annoyance, anger, even confusion. Then you start reacting automatically to their response or rather lack of response.
Such as you requesting your partner put the rubbish out, but he never does, it always gets left, until finally you do it. Or you ask your children to clean their bedrooms, but they don’t they basically ignore you. Your stress levels increase, you start to get angry that they haven’t done as they have been told.
Every time you react to the lack of cooperation you are creating an automatic reaction so even if they do as you ask, your habitual reaction will come into play, before you are able to stop it.
It is a habit, a formed behaviour. To change your habit you have to change your expectations, instead of unconsciously assuming your request isn’t going to be met, decide it is by changing the words you use to make your request. “Would you mind putting the rubbish out now, dinner will be ready in 10 minutes and it would be good to get it done before we sit down” instead of “Can you put the rubbish out please?”
The same with your children give them a reason to want to keep their room clean and tidy. You could offer them a reward at the end of the month, as agreed by you, if they meet the set criteria to keep their rooms clean.
By opting to change your words, you are changing the expectations you have and consequently the reactions you experience, you are not automatically assuming it isn’t going to happen you will get different results when you do.
You have to change your expectations and habits, you can only change yourself not others, however they can decided to change thanks to your new way of thinking.
Give it a go and see what happens, it may take a few tries, but if it means you are more relaxed it has got to be worth it! If only to save your sanity and to get the end results you want.
If you need any help to change your relationship with others and to manage your expectations please contact me by booking a Free exploratory call.